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How to Get Your Baby or Toddler to Listen and Behave

One common phrase that parents often use when trying to curb an undesirable behavior in their child, unfortunately, achieves the complete opposite of the intended result. Instead of deterring the behavior, it encourages the child to repeat the action more frequently. This article will discuss that one phrase you should avoid using and, more importantly, provide alternatives to manage and reshape your little one’s behavior.

The Phrase You Need to Avoid and Why

So, what’s the phrase that parents unwittingly use, which inadvertently encourages their toddlers and babies to engage in unfavorable behaviors? It’s when they say “no”, “stop”, or “don’t do something”. In daily life, this could manifest in a variety of scenarios: “stop throwing the food off the table”, “don’t throw your toys”, “no hitting mommy”, and so on.

The reason this phrase doesn’t work is multifaceted. First, when parents utter this phrase, they usually adopt a loud voice, animated facial expressions, and out-of-control arm movements. They often halt their ongoing activities to prevent their child from engaging in unsafe behaviors.

While there will be times when you need to intervene immediately for your child’s safety, rushing over to them, combined with an intense reaction, actually piques their interest. They perceive these reactions as a form of attention, finding it amusing and engaging, which inadvertently reinforces the undesirable behavior. This doesn’t make them behave.

Moreover, this phrase fails to communicate what they should do instead. The child might not know how to play with a toy properly, what’s expected of them, or how to express their emotions. Unless you teach them the correct actions or words to use, they will continue the undesirable behavior.

What to Do and Say Instead

To curb undesirable behavior, it’s essential to teach your child what they should do instead. The first step is to remain calm. Avoid encouraging bad behavior through intense reactions like yelling, making animated facial expressions, or using exaggerated arm movements.

Approach your child calmly and using a neutral facial expression, tell them what to do. For example, if your child is throwing blocks across the room because they are done playing with them, get down to their level and explain, “Blocks are finished, let’s put them in the container.”

In the case of hitting, you could gently say, “Pat mummy gently,” and model the action by gently stroking your arm with their hand. When they perform the desired behavior, reward them with positive feedback like a smile or applause. This encouragement reinforces their good behavior, making it more likely for them to repeat it in the future.

The Power of Natural Consequences

If your child continues the undesirable behavior despite your guidance, consider introducing natural consequences. This strategy is often effective because it’s quick, relevant, and easier for a toddler or baby to understand.

For instance, if your child insists on throwing blocks despite your intervention, simply say, “Blocks are for building, not for throwing. The blocks are going away now.” Then put the blocks away. Soon, your child will learn that every time they misuse the blocks, they will lose the opportunity to play with them. This natural consequence teaches them to use the blocks appropriately, or they won’t be available for play.

Another common issue is throwing food off the high chair or table. If you want to stop this behavior, using a similar natural consequence method can be effective. Explain to them calmly, “Food is for eating, not for throwing. If you throw your food, mealtime is over.” Then, if necessary, end mealtime. Soon they’ll understand that if they want to continue enjoying their meals, they need to eat properly.

How to get your Baby or Toddler to behave

Ensuring your baby or toddler listens and behaves can be a challenging part of parenthood. But by shifting from phrases that inadvertently reinforce bad behavior to strategies that teach correct actions and use natural consequences, you can effectively guide your child towards desirable behaviors. Stay patient and consistent, and remember to reinforce good behavior with lots of praise and attention. Happy parenting!

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Maintaining the Montessori Approach in Pre-School

Transitioning your child from a Montessori toddler program to a Montessori pre-school can be an exciting yet challenging time. As your child continues to grow and develop, their learning needs and interests will evolve. Maintaining the Montessori approach during these critical pre-school years will be vital to ensuring your child’s love for learning continues to flourish. Here are some strategies that can assist you in implementing the Montessori approach at home during your child’s pre-school years.

Encourage Exploration

The pre-school years are a time of profound curiosity. At this age, your child is beginning to ask more complex questions about the world around them. Encourage this exploratory behavior by creating opportunities for learning and discovery. Take them on visits to museums, libraries, or local parks. Engage in experiments, crafts, or cooking activities together at home. Ask open-ended questions to stimulate their thinking and problem-solving skills.

Embracing Practical Experiences

As your child dives deeper into their pre-school years, their capacity to understand and engage with the world around them dramatically increases. You can turn everyday activities into exploratory adventures. For instance, a trip to the grocery store can be an opportunity to learn about different types of fruits and vegetables, their origins, or how they grow. At home, you could involve your child in meal preparation, explaining how ingredients come together to form a dish.

Experiential Outings

Pre-schoolers are budding explorers, eager to understand their surroundings. Take advantage of local resources to foster this curiosity. You might take your child to the zoo and discuss different animals and their habitats, or to a science museum where they can learn about the planets, the human body, or dinosaurs. A walk in a botanical garden can be a great opportunity to learn about different plant species, colors, and the importance of nature in our lives.

Interactive Projects

Involve your child in hands-on, interactive projects at home. You might start a simple gardening project where your child can plant seeds, water them, and watch them grow, learning about the lifecycle of plants. If your child is interested in space, you could make a model solar system. For craft-oriented children, creating a scrapbook of family pictures or a nature-themed collage can be a fun and educational activity.

Fostering Questioning Skills

Your child’s growing ability to ask questions is a critical step in their cognitive development. Foster this by asking them open-ended questions that encourage critical thinking. For instance, instead of asking, “Did you like the story?”, you could ask, “What do you think the story was trying to tell us?” or “How would you feel if you were in the protagonist’s place?”

By adopting these strategies, you can turn your child’s pre-school years into a period of profound exploration and discovery, effectively extending the Montessori philosophy into this crucial stage of their life.

Maintain the Prepared Environment

Just like in the toddler years, the prepared environment remains key in the pre-school years. Continue to create a child-friendly space at home that mirrors their Montessori pre-school environment. Make materials and resources easily accessible and organize them in a way that encourages independence and self-guided learning.

Creating Child-Sized Spaces

Consider designing areas in your home where everything is within your child’s reach. A low shelf in the kitchen stocked with their plates, cups, and utensils can promote self-reliance during meal times. Similarly, setting up a small table and chairs where they can do crafts or homework can encourage self-directed activity.

Organizing Learning Materials

Divide resources and materials into various categories and place them on accessible shelves or baskets. For example, you can have separate areas for books, puzzles, art supplies, and nature materials. This encourages your child to return the materials to their designated spots after use, promoting order and responsibility.

Integrating Nature

An important aspect of a prepared environment is the integration of nature. Provide indoor plants that your child can help take care of, or a pet they can learn to feed and nurture. You could also have a ‘nature tray’ filled with found objects like pine cones, shells, or leaves that they can explore.

Allowing for Movement

Make sure the space allows for ample movement. Include open areas for activities like dancing, yoga or pretend play. An outdoor space, if available, can be equipped with tools for digging, planting, or simply observing nature.

Designing Quiet Spaces

It’s equally essential to have quiet spaces for more focused activities like reading or puzzle solving. A cozy corner with pillows and a bookshelf can become an inviting reading nook.

By maintaining a prepared environment, you support your child’s growing need for independence, exploration, and self-guided learning during the crucial pre-school years. The environment should be dynamic, changing as your child grows and their interests evolve, always supporting their journey of discovery and learning.

Respect the Child

Montessori education emphasizes respect for the child. This means recognizing your pre-schooler as a unique individual with their own feelings, ideas, and pace of development. Listen to them, involve them in decisions where appropriate, and show them that their opinions matter. This respect fosters their self-confidence and sense of worth.

Including them in Decision-Making

Involving your child in age-appropriate decisions fosters a sense of importance and teaches them about decision-making. For example, you could ask your child what they would like to wear for the day or what they prefer for a snack. Remember, the goal isn’t to burden them with choices beyond their capacity, but to let them practice making decisions within safe and reasonable parameters.

Validating their Feelings

Your child’s feelings are real and important, and they should feel safe to express them. If your child is upset, don’t dismiss their feelings as trivial. Instead, acknowledge them by saying, “I can see that you’re really upset because you can’t find your favorite toy.” This validates their emotions and lets them know it’s okay to express their feelings.

Showing Interest in their Activities

Show genuine interest in what your child is doing. If they’re building a tower with blocks, sit down with them, and engage in their play. Ask them about their creation, listen attentively, and respond with enthusiasm. This shows that you value their activities and boosts their self-confidence.

Respecting their Pace of Development

Every child develops at their own pace, and it’s important to respect this. Don’t rush your child to achieve milestones; instead, provide them with the resources and support they need to grow at their own pace. For instance, if your child is not yet ready to write, offer them plenty of opportunities for fine motor skills development, like threading beads or manipulating playdough, until they are ready.

By treating your pre-schooler with respect, you are not only reinforcing their self-worth and confidence but also modeling how to treat others with respect and consideration. This is an invaluable life lesson that goes well beyond the pre-school years.

Implementing Montessori Work Cycle

The Montessori work cycle is designed to allow the child to choose an activity, concentrate on it, complete it, and clean up afterward. Encourage this routine at home to foster self-discipline, concentration, and a sense of achievement. The work cycle can be adapted to various activities such as meal preparation, cleaning up toys, or self-care routines.

Choosing the Activity

Encourage your child to choose what they want to do. This could be as simple as selecting a book to read, a toy to play with, or choosing between two activities. Involving them in the decision-making process reinforces their sense of independence and autonomy.

Concentrating on the Activity

Once your child has chosen an activity, allow them to focus on it without interruption. You may need to ensure a quiet, distraction-free environment for them to do this. For instance, if your child has chosen to build with blocks, turn off the TV and allow them to focus completely on their task. Encouraging deep concentration helps foster their cognitive development.

Completing the Activity

Allow your child to complete their chosen activity at their own pace, resisting the urge to intervene unless necessary. If they’re struggling, offer gentle guidance but avoid doing it for them. This encourages perseverance and problem-solving skills. For example, if they’re trying to complete a puzzle, give them time to figure it out rather than stepping in and solving it for them.

Cleaning Up Afterwards

Once the activity is finished, encourage your child to clean up. This instills a sense of responsibility and respect for their environment. Make sure cleaning supplies, like small brooms or toy bins, are accessible for your child. Use this as an opportunity to teach them about organizing and categorizing – for instance, books go on the shelf, blocks go in the bin, and so on.

By implementing the Montessori work cycle at home, you’re helping your pre-schooler build key life skills such as concentration, responsibility, and independence, all while reinforcing their sense of autonomy and accomplishment. This will serve them well not just in their preschool years, but also in their future learning journeys.

Foster Social Skills

Montessori pre-schools emphasize the development of social skills and conflict resolution. Playdates, group activities, or family gatherings can serve as opportunities for your child to practice these skills. Guide them on how to navigate social situations, share, take turns, and solve disagreements peacefully.

Playdates

Montessori pre-schools emphasize the development of social skills and conflict resolution. Playdates, group activities, or family gatherings can serve as opportunities for your child to practice these skills. Guide them on how to navigate social situations, share, take turns, and solve disagreements peacefully.

Promote Practical Life Skills

Continue to promote practical life skills. Whether it’s dressing themselves, setting the table, or gardening, these activities foster independence, coordination, and a sense of responsibility. They are also a great way to help your child feel capable and competent.

Dressing Themselves

Continue to promote practical life skills. Whether it’s dressing themselves, setting the table, or gardening, these activities foster independence, coordination, and a sense of responsibility. They are also a great way to help your child feel capable and competent.

The Montessori Approach in Pre-School

Remember, transitioning to pre-school doesn’t mean leaving the Montessori philosophy behind. On the contrary, the pre-school years are an opportune time to reinforce the Montessori principles of independent learning, respect, and exploration. As you guide your child through this transition, always remember to “follow the child,” and the rest will fall into place.